Elation Between the Sheets Part I: 3 Ways to Turn Pain During Sex Into Pleasure
Sex should only bring pleasure, yet 75 percent of women experience pain during sex at some point, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Irritation in your vulva, inside your vagina or in your pelvic region, lower back or abdomen during sex can derive from a broad range of factors, making sex unappealing and your sensual life stagnant.
Embracing your body paves the way for pleasurable sex.
While medical care is important if you have an underlying condition, such as a hormonal imbalance, an ovarian cyst or depression, lifestyle shifts can go a long way toward making sexual pain a thing of the past. The following lifestyle steps can help turn irritation into elation between the sheets, inviting the countless benefits of a healthy sex life, from stronger intimate relationships to minimized stress.
“Greater pleasure with genital touch and intercourse enhances intimacy because sharing pleasure IS a kind of intimate act, and avoiding pain removes one possible barrier to intimacy.” — Carole Queen, Ph.D, sexologist and sociologist
3 Ways to Turn Irritation into Elation Between the Sheets
- Cultivate positive body image.
A study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine in Feb. 2010 showed a significant link between a lack of sexual satisfaction and concerns about body weight, physical appearance and sexual attractiveness in women. If your mind is turned off by negative attitudes and beliefs about your body, your brain won’t likely follow suit by stimulating vaginal moisture–a lack of which commonly prompts vaginal discomfort. Susan Parker, an art teacher in Bloomington, Minnesota, knows these issues too well.
“I used to think there was something seriously wrong with my body,” she said. “I’d never had an orgasm and sex was always painful.” Then one day a friend told her that if she made one more negative comment about her body, she’d put a stop to their weekly lunches. “I hadn’t even realized how much body-loathing I’d been carrying around. Once I began accepting my it, everything changed,” she said. “Sex feels wonderful now.”
To improve your own body image, swap out negative self-talk with positive reinforcements. Say, “I’m beautiful just the way I am” out loud daily, for example, until you believe it. Avoid negative influences, such as fad diets and magazines that promote unrealistic beauty ideals, and surround yourself with people who embrace you for who you are.
- Use a quality personal lubricant.
Vaginal dryness is very common, affecting 95 percent of women at some point. If you desire sex yet your body still lacks in the wetness department, a personal lubricant can help prevent painful irritation caused by skin dryness and chafing.
“Insufficient lubrication, low arousal, post-menopausal changes in the vagina, and milder forms of vaginismus might all benefit from the use of lubricant,” said Carol Queen, Ph.D, a sexologist and sociologist in San Francisco, California.
Vaginismus refers to involuntary spasms surrounding the vagina, typically caused by psychological problems, emotional discomfort about sexuality or a history of sexual trauma or abuse. [3]
Lubricants can also help jumpstart or enhance sexual arousal by stimulating a sense of physical pleasure–whether you’re prone to vaginal dryness or not.
“Lubricant isn’t a substitute for arousal,” said Queen, “but it can help make vulva and clitoral touch much more pleasant and erotic, which can then lead to high enough arousal for pleasurable insertion or intercourse.”
For maximum benefits, choose a water-based lubricant containing all-natural ingredients such as aloe, which promotes soft, supple skin. Start with a modest amount, adding additional fluid as needed. Your body will likely gradually take over, producing its own wetness as arousal increases.
- Fire up the foreplay.
Whether your thoughts are whirling from a hectic day or your sexual engine doesn’t rev up as quickly as it used to, increasing foreplay can help stimulate your body’s sexual responses, making painless sex a near given.
“Beginning intercourse before a woman is aroused is not likely to ever spur arousal,” said Queen.
Whether you decide to self-stimulate with your hand or a sex toy, the habit of which can also help minimize sexual pain, or engage in sex with your partner, take your time to ease into sensual pleasure before leaping toward penetration. This allows your body to produce moisture and move toward orgasm while improving sensual pleasure all around.
Foreplay, with or without a natural lubricant, minimizes pain and maximizes pleasure.
Experiment with different types of foreplay until you find methods that entice your body and mind. Useful examples include kissing, reading or watching erotic, fantasizing about sex and increased sensual touch.
“Greater pleasure with genital touch and intercourse enhances intimacy because sharing pleasure IS a kind of intimate act,” said Queen, “and avoiding pain removes one possible barrier to intimacy.”
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For additional lifestyle remedies for pain during sex, stay tuned to Part II of Elation Between the Sheets! In the meantime, we’d love to hear your thoughts. Which tip most struck you? How have you learned to manage irritation during sex?
Author August McLaughlin is an award-winning health and sexuality writer and creator of the empowering female sexuality brand Girl Boner in Los Angeles. Her work has been featured by LIVESTRONG.com, Healthy Aging magazine, the Nest Woman, DAME Magazine and more. As a certified nutritionist with specializations in eating disorders and sports nutrition, August has taught the importance of healthy lifestyle habits, positive body image and self-acceptance to women of all ages for over eight years. She is represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency and loves connecting with readers throughout social media. www.augustmclaughlin.comSources:
1. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists: When Sex is Painful
http://www.acog.org/~/media/For%20Patients/faq020.pdf?dmc=1&ts=20140212T1302266840
2. Carol Queen, Ph.D
http://www.carolqueen.com/pages/center1.htm
3. National Library of Medicine: Vaginismus
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001487.htm
4. The Journal of Sexual Medicine; The Association Between Sexual Satisfaction and Body Image in Women
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2009.01604.x/abstract;jsessionid=69C930971A99B4D0F6A9EB5F1DEC5C2E.f03t04?deniedAccessCustomisedMessage=&userIsAuthenticated=false
12T1302266840″>http://www.acog.org/~/media/For%20Patients/faq020.pdf?dmc=1&ts=20140212T1302266840
2. Carol Queen, Ph.D
http://www.carolqueen.com/pages/center1.htm
3. National Library of Medicine: Vaginismus
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001487.htm
4. The Journal of Sexual Medicine; The Association Between Sexual Satisfaction and Body Image in Women
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2009.01604.x/abstract;jsessionid=69C930971A99B4D0F6A9EB5F1DEC5C2E.f03t04?deniedAccessCustomisedMessage=&userIsAuthenticated=false
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